So I've been derping around the interwebs a lot lately, coming across more and more posts about how geek girls are way under-represented in geek culture discussions as a whole. Well, that and objectified way more than in the world of the non-geeks, where cretins reign supreme. Or so they say. Then today, I came across another such article, written by a guy who basically said, "If you guys are so concerned about finding a geeky girlfriend, how about treating geeky girls like humans every once in awhile." Frankly, I was a fan.
Story time:
See, I've always been considered a tomboy. In elementary school I was just as likely to be outside rolling around in the mud and racing the boys as I was to be in my room reading Babysitter's Club and pretending my barbies were Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears (don't judge). In junior high, I discovered Lord of the Rings, and other similarly geeky fandoms and fell in love. And outside of my room, I was still the girl who was wrestling with the guys, couldn't understand why it was less socially acceptable than it had been a year before, and when I finally did figure that out, spent large amounts of time mourning the fact that I was seen as one of the boys. High school found me geekier, really not a huge fan of most of the guys I was forced into association with, and finally kinda sorta admitting that I was a girl and should maybe get over that someday.
So now what was the point of that minor history lesson? So you can see where I'm coming from. I spent my life being teased for one of three things: 1) Because I was a girl and smaller and weaker than most of my friends. 2) Because I was unashamedly a geek. 3) Because I was a Christian, and thought that being a geek and being a Christian could co-exist. Why number three? Because either I'm in secular forums where the majority of people there spend a decent amount of time ridiculing Christians for their illogical beliefs, or I'm in Christian forums where the genres of fantasy, sci-fi and almost everything else I love get lambasted because they're demonic (true story). Add that to the fact that I'm a girl, and there are large factions in all three of the realms I live in (everyday life, geekdom and Christendom) who see me as a lesser being because of that. Let's just state the obvious and say that I really don't agree with that assessment of my identity.
Let's pull this apart piece by piece. What world do I live in, and why am I constantly looked down on wherever I turn? I'll start with the easiest. Normal everyday life, where everyone who has ever listened to a feminist speak knows that girls get the short end of the stick very often just because. Male supremacy, cavemen who believe that our place is in the kitchen and in their beds, etc. This, while changing, still represents a significant portion of society. The objectifying, the standard of "beauty", all that, that's another subject. Suffice to say that if I'm working with a guy, and I'm tasked with proving my competency, I get ready for a marathon.
Next up, one of my refuges. Geek culture. Strong female characters became a trend in the sci-fi/fantasy and the women around the world rejoiced! Finally, role models for those who really didn't care to become actual models! Then the other side of the shoe dropped... 95% of the time, these strong women were also clothed in skin-tight fabric that covered less than your average fig leaf. And then you get the tendency that geeky guys have to want girls to prove themselves 5 times over to be accepted as a "true geek" and not just some girl who pretends to like this stuff because she's too ugly to get guys in other cultures (disclaimer, this is not my opinion, these are things I've heard more times than I can count from both guys and girls). Okay, so I prove myself, again and again. I play the games, I read the books, I watch the movies, I live and breathe the TV shows. I've effectively made myself an outcast from other areas of society because this is where my passion lies, same as any guy who went to Middle Earth to escape the world for a little while. And now I come to this place, where you claim to build up those who have been scorned by the majority for their passionate love for worlds that only exist in our heads, and I find that you really only meant guys are welcome. Girls are still objectified, mocked, told to make sandwiches, or go find a girly hobby to pursue, like Olympic level shopping (for the record, I love shopping... for books and games and gadgets). Oh, also, the majority of geek culture isn't really a fan of Christianity (which is not without cause), so I get a lot of flack for that too. But still, I stay and take it because this is what I love, more than anything else (except Jesus).
Which brings me to the final area of my life. The Church. Which (correct me if I'm wrong) was commissioned to take in the poor and the outcasts and anyone else who wants to enter into the Kingdom. And with all those people, there's bound to be some diversity right? So why is it that the largest opposition I get comes from the Church? Let me clarify, not from God. As far as God and I are concerned, my passions are okay with Him, because they made me who I am, which is His child and loved as such. No, from the Church, those who are tasked with being his hands and feet and mouth, which seems to be the part they love the most. Not that I'm not a fan of being the mouth myself on occasion, or else why would I be writing this? But seriously. In the Church, I've encountered some very non-Biblical attitudes from people who claim to base their whole life off of the Bible. In the interest of grace, I'll allow that I've not managed to apply it to every area in my life either. But at least I admit it. Moving on.
These attitudes basically boil down to this: You're not qualified to speak on this subject/hold authority here because you are (insert option here). Options: a. Younger than 50. b. A girl. c. You believe that you won't go to hell for reading Harry Potter. d. You play that one game that features a world that worships more than one god. e. You're a girl who thinks she's intelligent (which is obviously impossible). f. Did we mention you spend most of your time reading things that aren't real, which means you're not grounded in reality?
Let me step back and paint my vision of what I believe Christianity to entail: Loving everyone, as Christ loves them. Understanding that Christ loves them no matter what gender they are, what political persuasion they are, what age they are, or what books, movies and TV shows they choose to occupy their time with. He still died on the cross for them, so we should still love them. Sounds simple, right? It is. Unfortunately, it's not all that easy. Add the human part of the equation in, and we make everything way more complicated than it has to be. Which makes everything that much more difficult. It's our gift. Which creates the Christian cultures where everything from mythology to superheroes get looked down on (no matter how many Biblical parallels exist in such things... I could write a book on that, but I won't right now). And oh by the way, everything that is considered okay is boring. Unless it was written by people who also studied mythology and philosophers that most Christians claim are the devil incarnate (J.R.R. Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, Madeline L'Engle, need I go on?). Before I go off on a rant on anti-intellectualism in the Church, let me just say: This is why the geek culture overwhelmingly hates the Church. Because so many Christians spend so much time trashing the very things the geeks build their lives around, and oh by the way Jesus loves you.
And girls in the Church! Oh, that's almost a whole other blog post. Basically, just go to Rachel Held Evans' blog and read all her blog posts, and her book about the subject. One of her biggest fights? Modesty in the Church, and how the line some Christians take on it seriously objectifies women. Now, where have I heard that before? Also because I'm a woman I'm not allowed to speak, or hold authority, or cut my hair, or any other number of things that have shaky authority at best. But oh yeah, I'm still totally a Child of God, same as any man.
Back to my part in all this. Where exactly am I supposed to turn? As a person who has to live and work in normal society, I get looked down on because I'm a woman and a Christian. In geek world, I not only have to prove myself worthy to be included in it, I then still get looked down on because I'm a woman and a Christian. But I still get more acceptance in the geek world than anywhere else, and really where else am I going to find a large community of people who share my interests because I'm a Christian. And in Christianity, where I should find the most acceptance of all, being a geek may or may not be a sin. The jury is still out on that. So really? Where do I turn?
(Disclaimer: I'm aware that I made sweeping generalizations, and that there are people in all three areas who are enlightened. This is a rant about the majority, and it should be taken as such.)
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Thursday, February 28, 2013
How To Transform the World
The subject of transforming the world has been on my heart a lot lately. Particularly in the area of art. Being both an artist, and definitely possessing an artistic personality AND being a Christian raised in a very traditional culture can be difficult. Often, I would find books and/or music that just spoke to me in that uniquely spiritual way that can only be achieved by the Holy Spirit, only to have that condemned because I found the book at the library, and it had no visible references to Jesus in it. So I would try and go back to only Christian art for awhile, but let's face it, that can only tide a person over for so long before you get bored. Particularly if you're a stickler for the quality. This is not to say that there isn't good Christian art around. More like, it's thin on the ground sometimes, where in more artistic cultures outside of "Christendom" you can't turn around without running into another brilliant artist. Most artists you run into will tell you the same thing.
I should stop that train of thought now, because this isn't supposed to be a rant about the quality of Christian art - or lack of it. I mostly point it out to lead to my actual point: How to make it better. There is a theme in my life right now, and in the church that I attend. It is that this whole thing where Christians are looked down upon, or outright mocked (as often by other Christians as by the rest of the world) for our substandard creative work is just wrong. So wrong. Like, there are hardly even words to describe how messed up this is. Why, you ask? I'll tell you. As Christians, we have a direct connection, an intimate personal relationship with the Creator of the whole WORLD. Everything that we see, everything that we draw our inspiration from, He created. And we get to have conversations with Him all the time. Every day. We have full access to all that creative brilliance that He embodies. He lets us use it, and with it we have the capability of creating art that is not only spiritually significant, but is critically GOOD. Not just good, but awesome, amazing, brilliant, fantastic, inspired, and any other cool synonym you can think of.
Now the question is HOW? How do we put this awesome capability into action? This is a question I've been asking myself for awhile, once I realized that JUST working to develop my craft in traditional ways wasn't enough. Thankfully, that changed over the weekend when I went to a conference at my church, specifically for artists. The whole day was transcendent, and it was so timely. I finally got answers to a lot of the outstanding questions I'd had about this area of my life. Those revelations are mostly what the rest of the post will be about. Because I think they're crazy awesome, and I'm beyond thankful that I was able to go and absorb all this wisdom from a ton of seriously anointed people.
It's funny, because I had this art teacher in 6th and 7th grade, who taught us to always ask God what He wanted us to create before we started on anything. Funny because at the time I thought she was absolutely insane. I had no way to quantify the idea of God actually speaking into my life, and art at that time. Now though, I realize that this was possibly the best thing anyone ever taught me in school. One of the speakers, Jennifer Eivaz taught on how being in the presence of God is the best way to make your mind Christ-like. This seems like it should be a no-brainer, but it is so difficult to remember sometimes. Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will." The passage goes on to list some gifts of the Spirit, and then onto a discourse on loving your brothers and sisters in Christ (my other favorite topic. This is why I love Romans). But this verse is so overused, and so misused sometimes. It becomes an excuse for Christians to hide away. The problem is, that is not what the verse is saying at all. It is saying that as a part of your spiritual act of worship (which is offering your whole self to Christ as a living sacrifice, per verse 1) you are pretty much incapable of being conformed to the world. If your whole self is determined in and through Christ, there's no way you're going to conform to the world. Just isn't going to happen. Instead, your mind get's transformed which is what Jennifer was talking about. Your mind is the source of everything. It's where all your actions are determined, where all your thoughts about yourself reside. If your mind is out of sync, everything is out of sync. That's why the majority of attacks from people are mental. If you can undermine an enemy's thoughts, that's the best way to destroy everything they could do to resist you. So Paul instructs us to give our whole selves to Christ, and let Him transform our minds. So that we can resist the attacks that would undermine us and trample our enemies instead of the other way around.
What does this have to do with art? Simple. Art, in particular, is based in the mind. One of the other things that I learned from the conference was that the act of creating is primarily about bringing the unseen into the seen. That's what God did when He created the world. That's what he does when He creates every human being. But to bring the unseen into the scene, our mind has to be transformed enough to see the unseen clearly. Also, we have to be utterly confident in our ability to communicate it, and to do that we need to have a clear view of our own identity in Christ. Which goes back to the transforming of the mind.
Furthermore, if we are creating from a place of true identity in Christ, and confidence not in our own abilities by their own, but in His ability to use them to His glory, we can create things that are drenched in so much favor that it's almost impossible for them to not be successful. This is the revolutionary part. It doesn't matter what your medi genre it is, whether it's Christian in topic or not, it will be a vehicle to establish God's glory on this earth. This is the part I'm still working on. The transforming of the mind is a simple process, but difficult. It requires us to actually put the effort in, to work with God on this. But He's loving and infinitely patient, so we can always get there. And when we do, imagine what could happen.
Imagine a world where Christians don't imitate the art of the world (which is, in and of itself an imitation of the purest form of creation which is of God). Imagine a world where we set the trends in the art culture. We bring in the sound that defines a generation. We create paintings that people can't help but buy. We write the books that touch millions of people. Where we use all of these things to redeem that which the Enemy has twisted. That's what my goal is. To write books that aren't "Christian," just God-breathed. To write something that will be the defining experience for a young generation of readers, like the books I read when I was in Jr. High and High School, which still govern much of how I view the world. This is what I plan on working towards while I'm in between schooling. Or while I'm at school. Pretty much all the time. Spending time with Jesus. Letting Him transform my mind. Letting that flow through my fingers onto a page.
I can't think of a better way to end this than a song that's been rocking my world for the past month or so.
"Bless the Lord, O my soul. O my soul. Worship His holy name. Sing like never before, o my soul. I'll worship Your holy name. (v.2) You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger. Your name is great, and Your heart is kind. For all Your goodness, I will keep on singing. Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find!"
I should stop that train of thought now, because this isn't supposed to be a rant about the quality of Christian art - or lack of it. I mostly point it out to lead to my actual point: How to make it better. There is a theme in my life right now, and in the church that I attend. It is that this whole thing where Christians are looked down upon, or outright mocked (as often by other Christians as by the rest of the world) for our substandard creative work is just wrong. So wrong. Like, there are hardly even words to describe how messed up this is. Why, you ask? I'll tell you. As Christians, we have a direct connection, an intimate personal relationship with the Creator of the whole WORLD. Everything that we see, everything that we draw our inspiration from, He created. And we get to have conversations with Him all the time. Every day. We have full access to all that creative brilliance that He embodies. He lets us use it, and with it we have the capability of creating art that is not only spiritually significant, but is critically GOOD. Not just good, but awesome, amazing, brilliant, fantastic, inspired, and any other cool synonym you can think of.
Now the question is HOW? How do we put this awesome capability into action? This is a question I've been asking myself for awhile, once I realized that JUST working to develop my craft in traditional ways wasn't enough. Thankfully, that changed over the weekend when I went to a conference at my church, specifically for artists. The whole day was transcendent, and it was so timely. I finally got answers to a lot of the outstanding questions I'd had about this area of my life. Those revelations are mostly what the rest of the post will be about. Because I think they're crazy awesome, and I'm beyond thankful that I was able to go and absorb all this wisdom from a ton of seriously anointed people.
It's funny, because I had this art teacher in 6th and 7th grade, who taught us to always ask God what He wanted us to create before we started on anything. Funny because at the time I thought she was absolutely insane. I had no way to quantify the idea of God actually speaking into my life, and art at that time. Now though, I realize that this was possibly the best thing anyone ever taught me in school. One of the speakers, Jennifer Eivaz taught on how being in the presence of God is the best way to make your mind Christ-like. This seems like it should be a no-brainer, but it is so difficult to remember sometimes. Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will." The passage goes on to list some gifts of the Spirit, and then onto a discourse on loving your brothers and sisters in Christ (my other favorite topic. This is why I love Romans). But this verse is so overused, and so misused sometimes. It becomes an excuse for Christians to hide away. The problem is, that is not what the verse is saying at all. It is saying that as a part of your spiritual act of worship (which is offering your whole self to Christ as a living sacrifice, per verse 1) you are pretty much incapable of being conformed to the world. If your whole self is determined in and through Christ, there's no way you're going to conform to the world. Just isn't going to happen. Instead, your mind get's transformed which is what Jennifer was talking about. Your mind is the source of everything. It's where all your actions are determined, where all your thoughts about yourself reside. If your mind is out of sync, everything is out of sync. That's why the majority of attacks from people are mental. If you can undermine an enemy's thoughts, that's the best way to destroy everything they could do to resist you. So Paul instructs us to give our whole selves to Christ, and let Him transform our minds. So that we can resist the attacks that would undermine us and trample our enemies instead of the other way around.
What does this have to do with art? Simple. Art, in particular, is based in the mind. One of the other things that I learned from the conference was that the act of creating is primarily about bringing the unseen into the seen. That's what God did when He created the world. That's what he does when He creates every human being. But to bring the unseen into the scene, our mind has to be transformed enough to see the unseen clearly. Also, we have to be utterly confident in our ability to communicate it, and to do that we need to have a clear view of our own identity in Christ. Which goes back to the transforming of the mind.
Furthermore, if we are creating from a place of true identity in Christ, and confidence not in our own abilities by their own, but in His ability to use them to His glory, we can create things that are drenched in so much favor that it's almost impossible for them to not be successful. This is the revolutionary part. It doesn't matter what your medi genre it is, whether it's Christian in topic or not, it will be a vehicle to establish God's glory on this earth. This is the part I'm still working on. The transforming of the mind is a simple process, but difficult. It requires us to actually put the effort in, to work with God on this. But He's loving and infinitely patient, so we can always get there. And when we do, imagine what could happen.
Imagine a world where Christians don't imitate the art of the world (which is, in and of itself an imitation of the purest form of creation which is of God). Imagine a world where we set the trends in the art culture. We bring in the sound that defines a generation. We create paintings that people can't help but buy. We write the books that touch millions of people. Where we use all of these things to redeem that which the Enemy has twisted. That's what my goal is. To write books that aren't "Christian," just God-breathed. To write something that will be the defining experience for a young generation of readers, like the books I read when I was in Jr. High and High School, which still govern much of how I view the world. This is what I plan on working towards while I'm in between schooling. Or while I'm at school. Pretty much all the time. Spending time with Jesus. Letting Him transform my mind. Letting that flow through my fingers onto a page.
I can't think of a better way to end this than a song that's been rocking my world for the past month or so.
"Bless the Lord, O my soul. O my soul. Worship His holy name. Sing like never before, o my soul. I'll worship Your holy name. (v.2) You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger. Your name is great, and Your heart is kind. For all Your goodness, I will keep on singing. Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find!"
Saturday, February 2, 2013
No Condemnation
Romans 8:1 - "Therefore there is then no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
That is quite possibly my favorite verse in the whole entire Bible. And not just the verse, because the context of the verse is what makes it so completely awesome. But that verse speaks a truth that I had a hard time accepting for a very long time, and that's more or less the theme of what I want to communicate right now.
First I feel like I should probably make something clear. I'm a fan of the Church. I may forget to mention that, but I love having a place that I can go where people are there to exhort and build up. There have been times in my life when I haven't gone to church regularly, and it was pretty much the worst.
Having said that, I have been around a lot of different churches and a lot of different church cultures, and I've started to notice themes. One is that for a people who follow a God who offers no condemnation, there is an overwhelming amount of condemning going on. And it might not even be noticed by those doing it. It's something I've been reading a lot in different places, blogs, some sermons at my church the last couple of weeks. There is this Christian culture that seems to thrive on finding ways to disguise condemnation. We put pretty labels on it, but it's still there, still eating away at the hearts of those who are shamed. And it hurts our witness.
It's not just Christians condemning other people though. I mean, that's a part of it, but there's a deeper root to it. There's this particular way of viewing humility that in my experience basically means that to be "humble before God" you have to decide that you suck and you should also hate yourself. Now think about this. Christians are called to love right? Specifically to love others as you love yourself. So it's kinda hard to love others with the fullness of love if you hate yourself. I'm not under the impression that Christ meant this commandment to be taken that way. It follows that if we're not supposed to hate ourselves, we're probably supposed to love ourselves.
"But wait," you may say, "if I love myself how can I be humble? How can I become less so Christ can be more?"
I think part of God's purpose for all our lives is to find out identity in Christ, and this is where that helps. When you accept Christ, you get this whole clean slate, where you don't have to be that person who was super messed up anymore. You get to take His view of your being and adopt it, make it into who you are. And He loves you, loves me, loves us SO much! The echos of His love carry over the centuries. Whole books are written simply about one aspect of His love. The Bible is pretty much one big "God loves you, and this is what He went through to show you that!"
If God loves us THAT much, who are we to tell Him, "no, you're wrong, I suck and I know it?" He's pretty clear on the fact that He thinks we're the best creations ever, so it doesn't seem wrong to me to be okay with yourself if He thinks that highly of you.
I'm not talking about not acknowledging faults, or turning the gift of love and grace into arrogance. I'm talking about not letting kids in the church grow up believing that their humanity makes them dirty, even after they've been washed clean by Christ's blood.
How do I know that this happens? The most obvious answer is, I was one of those kids. I grew up hating myself because I could never be good enough for love, or so I thought. Yeah, I knew God loved me, but the fact that He loved me didn't translate into the idea that I could love myself, and a huge part of it had to do with being taught false humility through most of my childhood. When it is so deeply ingrained in you that you are a fallen being, perpetually broken and so unworthy of love, the almost afterthought addition of "oh, by the way, God totally still loves you" tends to fall on deaf ears. It wasn't until I got to college and took a lot of classes with a professor who kept telling me that God wasn't mad at me, that He was actually pretty crazy about me, and I got past the conviction that she was speaking heresy that it started to sink it. And I mean started. It took a long time to really get through my head. There are still plenty of days when I revert to the old thoughts of "how could God love you, because of..." The difference is, I now know better, and I can speak against them when they creep in. There are plenty of people that I know who don't know that difference. Young girls that I've had the opportunity to work with, who come to me crying because they're convinced that they're worthless and can't do anything right. Girls who go to church on a regular basis. It breaks my heart, because I see so much of my own struggles with convincing myself that I'm not worthless.
Which brings me to the second part of what I wanted to talk about. The condemnation that the Church tends to project to the world. I believe the technical term is culture wars, in which the Church tries to control every aspect of culture (not necessarily a bad thing), but goes about it in a way that makes the rest of the world think that Jesus is the biggest jerk to ever walk the earth (altogether a very bad thing). I'm going to go out on a limb and say two things: 1) Copying culture, but adding Christian language instead of "secular" is quite possibly my least favorite thing ever. I don't ever want to copy culture, and hide behind my line of Christianity and only let it impact people behind that line. I want to go out into the culture around me and impact those people, the ones who need to hear it the most. I have the utmost respect for artists like Mumford & Sons and Owl City, who are reaching huge audiences with music that has very clear imagery pointing to God. And it doesn't just extend to that. I think there is more Jesus in secular culture than a lot of Christians realize. After all, God is the source of all creativity. Those brilliant singers, songwriters, artists, writers, and musicians who are so popular all got those talents from God, and God shines through if you listen hard enough. More often than not, listening to these artists just makes me want to go out and impact culture more, because think about what could happen if people with crazy artistic talent who are popular now could do with their talent if they have the direct line open with God? And instead the Christian culture shies away, scared to be tainted by their sin.
2) And please don't lynch me for this: I think the the us vs. them attitude of many Christians regarding cultural differences, specifically the LGBT community, is one of the most harmful things ever. Believe me, I know all the things the Bible says on the subject. But they are still people, created in God's image, struggling with their lives, looking for love. I'm not prepared to explore the whole nature vs. nurture debate or what we can do to "cure" them, or if that's even possible. That's not what I want. I want everyday Christians to go out and make friends with them, and make up for so many people from the Church who straight up hate them simply because of that one thing, without ever getting to know the person. The way to wage a "culture war" is not to keep introducing legislation which pits us vs. them. The way to wage the war is to cross the battle lines and sit down and make friends. Yeah, you don't agree. Whatever. No friends ever agree 100% of the time. You can still love them. (Note: This applies for the battle lines drawn within the church too.)
There's more that I could say, other points I want to elaborate on at a later date. But I think this has gotten long enough as it is. I would love this to start a conversation, even if you don't agree with me. I'm okay with that. I've pretty much given up on trying to get everyone to agree with me. I just want people to think about these issues.
The Lord bless you and keep you.
The Lord make His face to shine upon you
And be gracious unto you.
The Lord lift the light of His countenance upon you
And give you peace.
That is quite possibly my favorite verse in the whole entire Bible. And not just the verse, because the context of the verse is what makes it so completely awesome. But that verse speaks a truth that I had a hard time accepting for a very long time, and that's more or less the theme of what I want to communicate right now.
First I feel like I should probably make something clear. I'm a fan of the Church. I may forget to mention that, but I love having a place that I can go where people are there to exhort and build up. There have been times in my life when I haven't gone to church regularly, and it was pretty much the worst.
Having said that, I have been around a lot of different churches and a lot of different church cultures, and I've started to notice themes. One is that for a people who follow a God who offers no condemnation, there is an overwhelming amount of condemning going on. And it might not even be noticed by those doing it. It's something I've been reading a lot in different places, blogs, some sermons at my church the last couple of weeks. There is this Christian culture that seems to thrive on finding ways to disguise condemnation. We put pretty labels on it, but it's still there, still eating away at the hearts of those who are shamed. And it hurts our witness.
It's not just Christians condemning other people though. I mean, that's a part of it, but there's a deeper root to it. There's this particular way of viewing humility that in my experience basically means that to be "humble before God" you have to decide that you suck and you should also hate yourself. Now think about this. Christians are called to love right? Specifically to love others as you love yourself. So it's kinda hard to love others with the fullness of love if you hate yourself. I'm not under the impression that Christ meant this commandment to be taken that way. It follows that if we're not supposed to hate ourselves, we're probably supposed to love ourselves.
"But wait," you may say, "if I love myself how can I be humble? How can I become less so Christ can be more?"
I think part of God's purpose for all our lives is to find out identity in Christ, and this is where that helps. When you accept Christ, you get this whole clean slate, where you don't have to be that person who was super messed up anymore. You get to take His view of your being and adopt it, make it into who you are. And He loves you, loves me, loves us SO much! The echos of His love carry over the centuries. Whole books are written simply about one aspect of His love. The Bible is pretty much one big "God loves you, and this is what He went through to show you that!"
If God loves us THAT much, who are we to tell Him, "no, you're wrong, I suck and I know it?" He's pretty clear on the fact that He thinks we're the best creations ever, so it doesn't seem wrong to me to be okay with yourself if He thinks that highly of you.
I'm not talking about not acknowledging faults, or turning the gift of love and grace into arrogance. I'm talking about not letting kids in the church grow up believing that their humanity makes them dirty, even after they've been washed clean by Christ's blood.
How do I know that this happens? The most obvious answer is, I was one of those kids. I grew up hating myself because I could never be good enough for love, or so I thought. Yeah, I knew God loved me, but the fact that He loved me didn't translate into the idea that I could love myself, and a huge part of it had to do with being taught false humility through most of my childhood. When it is so deeply ingrained in you that you are a fallen being, perpetually broken and so unworthy of love, the almost afterthought addition of "oh, by the way, God totally still loves you" tends to fall on deaf ears. It wasn't until I got to college and took a lot of classes with a professor who kept telling me that God wasn't mad at me, that He was actually pretty crazy about me, and I got past the conviction that she was speaking heresy that it started to sink it. And I mean started. It took a long time to really get through my head. There are still plenty of days when I revert to the old thoughts of "how could God love you, because of..." The difference is, I now know better, and I can speak against them when they creep in. There are plenty of people that I know who don't know that difference. Young girls that I've had the opportunity to work with, who come to me crying because they're convinced that they're worthless and can't do anything right. Girls who go to church on a regular basis. It breaks my heart, because I see so much of my own struggles with convincing myself that I'm not worthless.
Which brings me to the second part of what I wanted to talk about. The condemnation that the Church tends to project to the world. I believe the technical term is culture wars, in which the Church tries to control every aspect of culture (not necessarily a bad thing), but goes about it in a way that makes the rest of the world think that Jesus is the biggest jerk to ever walk the earth (altogether a very bad thing). I'm going to go out on a limb and say two things: 1) Copying culture, but adding Christian language instead of "secular" is quite possibly my least favorite thing ever. I don't ever want to copy culture, and hide behind my line of Christianity and only let it impact people behind that line. I want to go out into the culture around me and impact those people, the ones who need to hear it the most. I have the utmost respect for artists like Mumford & Sons and Owl City, who are reaching huge audiences with music that has very clear imagery pointing to God. And it doesn't just extend to that. I think there is more Jesus in secular culture than a lot of Christians realize. After all, God is the source of all creativity. Those brilliant singers, songwriters, artists, writers, and musicians who are so popular all got those talents from God, and God shines through if you listen hard enough. More often than not, listening to these artists just makes me want to go out and impact culture more, because think about what could happen if people with crazy artistic talent who are popular now could do with their talent if they have the direct line open with God? And instead the Christian culture shies away, scared to be tainted by their sin.
2) And please don't lynch me for this: I think the the us vs. them attitude of many Christians regarding cultural differences, specifically the LGBT community, is one of the most harmful things ever. Believe me, I know all the things the Bible says on the subject. But they are still people, created in God's image, struggling with their lives, looking for love. I'm not prepared to explore the whole nature vs. nurture debate or what we can do to "cure" them, or if that's even possible. That's not what I want. I want everyday Christians to go out and make friends with them, and make up for so many people from the Church who straight up hate them simply because of that one thing, without ever getting to know the person. The way to wage a "culture war" is not to keep introducing legislation which pits us vs. them. The way to wage the war is to cross the battle lines and sit down and make friends. Yeah, you don't agree. Whatever. No friends ever agree 100% of the time. You can still love them. (Note: This applies for the battle lines drawn within the church too.)
There's more that I could say, other points I want to elaborate on at a later date. But I think this has gotten long enough as it is. I would love this to start a conversation, even if you don't agree with me. I'm okay with that. I've pretty much given up on trying to get everyone to agree with me. I just want people to think about these issues.
The Lord bless you and keep you.
The Lord make His face to shine upon you
And be gracious unto you.
The Lord lift the light of His countenance upon you
And give you peace.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
The Stenographer
The title is a testament to my inability to think of a proper title for this, and the fact that I'm listening to a song by that title right now. Anyways.
I realized that I started this blog for NaNo in general, then subsequently forgot about it while I was doing NaNo this year. But I've been thinking over the last nine days since this year's event ended (and I won) about what it was like, and how it was different, and all that jazz.
For one, I could tell that in the year that had passed, I had lost a lot of my feel for the world. I decided to do a sequel, which was probably a terrible idea, but I was scrambling for ideas and that seemed to be the easiest. But then I wrote most of it off the top of my head (which is never a great plan...) and at least half of the novel was written on the weekends, madly typing after a week of having to go to work, do homework, and otherwise participate in the outside world. Most of it will probably be cut if I ever get the courage up to edit the thing. And whether or not I will put the editing effort into a story that I never really connected to, or developed in any way that would make it worth reading at all.
So I think what I'm really saying is, it will be unlikely that anyone will ever read this year's NaNo, because I already know that it's bad, and I don't need other people to tell me what I already know. If that makes sense.
On the other hand, I did have a blast this year, thanks to my new region. Last year, obviously I was in the East Bay region, and while I had a great time there, especially with the people at the Fremont Write-In. But SacNaNo has a special place in my heart now, thanks greatly to being able to interact with people outside of physical write-ins (and while at physical write-ins, for that matter) on the IRC channel. Whoever decided to set that up was freaking brilliant. Seriously. It was probably the only reason I made myself keep writing all month long. Otherwise, knowing myself, as soon as I hit the brick wall (which happened unusually fast, because of the aforementioned suckiness of the novel...), I would have totally just been like "AHH! Life and stuff!! Kthxbai." And stopped writing for the month. Instead, I hung out on there and got tons of encouragement from other people in my region who I otherwise wouldn't have gotten to know, because Sacramento is a seriously FAR FLUNG region. There's no way to hang out with all the people in person. But on the IRC, I got to know people from all over, and participated in enough word wars to drag my word count just barely over 50K by the end of the month. And when I did, there were people there, cheering virtually, which was definitely more epic than when I won last year and was just hanging out at home cheering for myself.
The plus side of this whole experience, aside from the social aspect, was that I think I may finally have broken through the issue where I couldn't write anything of worth because so much crap had built up in my mind. Like, I was actually starting to think of things to write about that were interesting and that I might be able to do something with. Part of it was hanging out with and talking to people who have a similarly literary mindset. That always helps. Part of it was just finally getting 50,000 words of crap out in one fell swoop so that I could actually think about these more worthy things. Whatever it was, I'm super excited. I just need to take advantage of it while I've still got it, and do my darndest to not lose it again. We can only hope...
I realized that I started this blog for NaNo in general, then subsequently forgot about it while I was doing NaNo this year. But I've been thinking over the last nine days since this year's event ended (and I won) about what it was like, and how it was different, and all that jazz.
For one, I could tell that in the year that had passed, I had lost a lot of my feel for the world. I decided to do a sequel, which was probably a terrible idea, but I was scrambling for ideas and that seemed to be the easiest. But then I wrote most of it off the top of my head (which is never a great plan...) and at least half of the novel was written on the weekends, madly typing after a week of having to go to work, do homework, and otherwise participate in the outside world. Most of it will probably be cut if I ever get the courage up to edit the thing. And whether or not I will put the editing effort into a story that I never really connected to, or developed in any way that would make it worth reading at all.
So I think what I'm really saying is, it will be unlikely that anyone will ever read this year's NaNo, because I already know that it's bad, and I don't need other people to tell me what I already know. If that makes sense.
On the other hand, I did have a blast this year, thanks to my new region. Last year, obviously I was in the East Bay region, and while I had a great time there, especially with the people at the Fremont Write-In. But SacNaNo has a special place in my heart now, thanks greatly to being able to interact with people outside of physical write-ins (and while at physical write-ins, for that matter) on the IRC channel. Whoever decided to set that up was freaking brilliant. Seriously. It was probably the only reason I made myself keep writing all month long. Otherwise, knowing myself, as soon as I hit the brick wall (which happened unusually fast, because of the aforementioned suckiness of the novel...), I would have totally just been like "AHH! Life and stuff!! Kthxbai." And stopped writing for the month. Instead, I hung out on there and got tons of encouragement from other people in my region who I otherwise wouldn't have gotten to know, because Sacramento is a seriously FAR FLUNG region. There's no way to hang out with all the people in person. But on the IRC, I got to know people from all over, and participated in enough word wars to drag my word count just barely over 50K by the end of the month. And when I did, there were people there, cheering virtually, which was definitely more epic than when I won last year and was just hanging out at home cheering for myself.
The plus side of this whole experience, aside from the social aspect, was that I think I may finally have broken through the issue where I couldn't write anything of worth because so much crap had built up in my mind. Like, I was actually starting to think of things to write about that were interesting and that I might be able to do something with. Part of it was hanging out with and talking to people who have a similarly literary mindset. That always helps. Part of it was just finally getting 50,000 words of crap out in one fell swoop so that I could actually think about these more worthy things. Whatever it was, I'm super excited. I just need to take advantage of it while I've still got it, and do my darndest to not lose it again. We can only hope...
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
On Occasion I Think I'm Brilliant
It's true. It's actually much more frequent occurrence when I'm in the process of editing my NaNo novel, which I find to be a good sign (hopefully). If nothing else, I feel like the massive creative output of NaNo forced some of my best lines out of me, IMHO. Well, it was probably that and the fact that I used a sip or two of rum to overcome writer's block for most of November... but on the plus side, I still think it's funny when the strongest thing I've had to drink is some black tea at a coffee shop that was left to steep for a little too long. Maybe for my next post I shall attempt to find some good sections and see if I'm the only one who finds them funny.
But for now, there is actually something else that I thought was brilliant recently. It was completely unrelated to writing. I was just chatting with a friend, and he mentioned that he could go on for days about the flaws of certain versions of D&D, while simultaneously creating a character and a new campaign. I laughed when he said this, and told him I did the same thing with certain interests. Then I realized that there should be a way to quantify this effect. I decided to call it the "Facebook Effect." You all know this happens. I try to avoid being one of the people who has to post about how much the new Facebook changes stink, since I know full well that no matter how much I dislike them, I'll keep using Facebook. So will everyone else who complains. I thought it was at least clever, and so why not blog about it?
I feel like this happens more often than we like to admit, though. Seriously, there are so many instances where something pops up in our life that annoys us enough that we feel the need to complain about it. Take Windows as another example. When Windows came out with Vista, the complaints started coming within weeks. But those dedicated to PCs still used it, because their dislike of Vista wasn't nearly enough to convince them to switch to Mac. Granted, everyone who had sense upgraded to 7 as soon as it came out, but for the years in between we all suffered in a not-so-silent manner. I've never quite figured out why we do this. Is it just another form of catharsis? A way to make us feel better about our problems? Because, really, for most of the instances I can think of, they're really first world problems. "My computer is so slow, I can barely play my games," and so forth. Slightly less life or death than "I can't feed myself this month."
There might have been a point to this. It got lost in my own personal world and I'm not up to an intense expedition currently. So, just in case anyone ever reads this, I'll end with a question. What do you think of the "Facebook Effect"? Real, imagined, brilliant, or just obvious?
But for now, there is actually something else that I thought was brilliant recently. It was completely unrelated to writing. I was just chatting with a friend, and he mentioned that he could go on for days about the flaws of certain versions of D&D, while simultaneously creating a character and a new campaign. I laughed when he said this, and told him I did the same thing with certain interests. Then I realized that there should be a way to quantify this effect. I decided to call it the "Facebook Effect." You all know this happens. I try to avoid being one of the people who has to post about how much the new Facebook changes stink, since I know full well that no matter how much I dislike them, I'll keep using Facebook. So will everyone else who complains. I thought it was at least clever, and so why not blog about it?
I feel like this happens more often than we like to admit, though. Seriously, there are so many instances where something pops up in our life that annoys us enough that we feel the need to complain about it. Take Windows as another example. When Windows came out with Vista, the complaints started coming within weeks. But those dedicated to PCs still used it, because their dislike of Vista wasn't nearly enough to convince them to switch to Mac. Granted, everyone who had sense upgraded to 7 as soon as it came out, but for the years in between we all suffered in a not-so-silent manner. I've never quite figured out why we do this. Is it just another form of catharsis? A way to make us feel better about our problems? Because, really, for most of the instances I can think of, they're really first world problems. "My computer is so slow, I can barely play my games," and so forth. Slightly less life or death than "I can't feed myself this month."
There might have been a point to this. It got lost in my own personal world and I'm not up to an intense expedition currently. So, just in case anyone ever reads this, I'll end with a question. What do you think of the "Facebook Effect"? Real, imagined, brilliant, or just obvious?
Friday, February 10, 2012
Success!
Now that I've actually posted something and had it work, I feel like I can actually type a full post without expecting disappointment when I hit "Publish" and none of it shows up.
I figured that it was probably time to start up blogging again, especially seeing as I'm possibly looking at freelance writing jobs to bring in some extra funds, and this can only be good practice. Maybe I'll even end up not sucking. One can only hope.
I've recently acquired an interest in tabletop RPGs, and have wanted for awhile now to play. The issue currently is that I have no one in the area to play with, and I'm also a total noob (but admitting it is the first step, I've been told). I'm thinking of going to the used bookstore in the area and trying to get enough money to buy a Player's Handbook for D&D by selling the Twilight books that I can safely say I will NEVER read again. I find this to be a more than fair trade. I only hope that the bookstore will agree. Maybe my interest is rooted in the lack of characters I've created, which after NaNo seems criminal. Actually, even when I was barely writing over the summer I was still creating different characters, though admittedly they were incredibly shallow and needed personality surgery to be viable in a decent story. So the fact that the only one I've created in the last two months has been for my next writing project (more about that later) is odd. It's one of my favorite parts of the writing process. I see RPGs as a way to fix that, and create serious character development skills as well. Now the trick is to find a way to play when all the people I know of who play are about two hours away. And also, learning without my head exploding. But I see that as a minor obstacle.
In writing, I've been doing this project with a friend called the Letter Game. We basically just created characters and a general setting, and then had them start writing letters to each other. It's very interesting, and different than I thought it would be. For instance, I'm used to coming up with basic plots, adding the twists where needed and then letting inspiration drive the rest. That's what worked best for my NaNo novel. I created Point A and Point Z and left the others up to the journey as it unfolded. Harder to edit effectively, but the experience was definitely worth it, especially since it gave me a distinct goal to work towards as opposed to my other, more open-ended attempts at becoming a novelist. You know, the ones that crashed and burned in a fire worth of a Balrog. But for this newest project, I'm not the only one coming up with twists. She is too. It's a rather disconcerting experience, having half a plot already planned out almost out of habit and then having to completely revise it to fit the new information she just provided. It's good for me though. Makes me learn how to be really adaptable in my writing. Now I just have to figure out a way to reply, and I can maybe move past the block in all my other endeavors.
I feel like this is sufficient for my semi-triumphant return to this blog. Perhaps I can figure out a way to motivate myself to keep it up. Who knows... the possibility of money usually helps.
I figured that it was probably time to start up blogging again, especially seeing as I'm possibly looking at freelance writing jobs to bring in some extra funds, and this can only be good practice. Maybe I'll even end up not sucking. One can only hope.
I've recently acquired an interest in tabletop RPGs, and have wanted for awhile now to play. The issue currently is that I have no one in the area to play with, and I'm also a total noob (but admitting it is the first step, I've been told). I'm thinking of going to the used bookstore in the area and trying to get enough money to buy a Player's Handbook for D&D by selling the Twilight books that I can safely say I will NEVER read again. I find this to be a more than fair trade. I only hope that the bookstore will agree. Maybe my interest is rooted in the lack of characters I've created, which after NaNo seems criminal. Actually, even when I was barely writing over the summer I was still creating different characters, though admittedly they were incredibly shallow and needed personality surgery to be viable in a decent story. So the fact that the only one I've created in the last two months has been for my next writing project (more about that later) is odd. It's one of my favorite parts of the writing process. I see RPGs as a way to fix that, and create serious character development skills as well. Now the trick is to find a way to play when all the people I know of who play are about two hours away. And also, learning without my head exploding. But I see that as a minor obstacle.
In writing, I've been doing this project with a friend called the Letter Game. We basically just created characters and a general setting, and then had them start writing letters to each other. It's very interesting, and different than I thought it would be. For instance, I'm used to coming up with basic plots, adding the twists where needed and then letting inspiration drive the rest. That's what worked best for my NaNo novel. I created Point A and Point Z and left the others up to the journey as it unfolded. Harder to edit effectively, but the experience was definitely worth it, especially since it gave me a distinct goal to work towards as opposed to my other, more open-ended attempts at becoming a novelist. You know, the ones that crashed and burned in a fire worth of a Balrog. But for this newest project, I'm not the only one coming up with twists. She is too. It's a rather disconcerting experience, having half a plot already planned out almost out of habit and then having to completely revise it to fit the new information she just provided. It's good for me though. Makes me learn how to be really adaptable in my writing. Now I just have to figure out a way to reply, and I can maybe move past the block in all my other endeavors.
I feel like this is sufficient for my semi-triumphant return to this blog. Perhaps I can figure out a way to motivate myself to keep it up. Who knows... the possibility of money usually helps.
This is a test, because this has been glitching out. If it works, there will be an actual post.
For some reason, the last couple of times that I've tried to post here, it hasn't posted any of the body. I feel like I should figure out why, but first I'm going to try and see if some recent browser reconfigurations fixed the problem before I put actual thought into it.
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