Sometime mid-November I had a very important realization: If a person is broke, and utterly tired of eating the same things day in and day out, there are very few options outside of McDonald's that are (somewhat) affordable. And I don't consider McDonald's an option, because I can't eat their food without cringing/getting sick to my stomach. Not a good thing. So what is a person to do? My conclusion that it was probably time for me to learn to cook. At least a few basic meals outside of spaghetti and things that come in bags or boxes from the frozen section. Because again, expensive.
I managed to make it all the way through college and over a year of living on my own without this, which should be regarded as a miracle. Mostly it was because for most of the time that I've lived in my apartment, I've had a job and was able to occasionally buy prepared things to vary my diet enough to keep me from screaming. When that course of action was no longer available, and I realized that this really was a life skill I should explore, I panicked a little bit.
I've mentioned before that my position on being born a girl was not exactly favorable for most of my life. Frankly, it seemed boring to me. I'd much rather read/play video games/run around playing with the boys. It took me a long time to learn how to do all sorts of basic girly things like putting on non-stage makeup for a job interview. Cooking was definitely on that list. Although, oddly enough baking has always been something I like. Probably because cookies. Much better motivation most of the time.
But I've been trying to come to terms with that whole part of my identity, the part where I'm a girl and am maybe even allowed to act like one occasionally. Plus, the aforementioned "I'm so freaking tired of eating the same things for the last 6 months" reason was pressing on me and the combination of the two are what led me to today. Actually looking up a recipe for a dish I've never made without supervision, actually going to the store with a list in mind, and then promptly pulling out the one casserole dish that I own and making a casserole with an actual vegetable (broccoli), beef, potatoes and cheese. And fried onions on top. Because that's never a bad idea in my experience. I can't tell you how it tastes yet, because I'm taking the time that it's cooking to write about it. But it seemed simple that even I cannot mess it up, I who once forgot to strain the noodles before adding the cheese mix to boxed mac 'n cheese (that was a fun night...).
Next up on my list is washing a bunch of new kitchen things I got from my family and putting them away in our newly empty kitchen (because my roommates are moving out at the end of the month and packed all their stuff away yesterday), and then figuring out how to stitch up one of my favorite pajama/costume shirts which has a stripe falling off. Eek. Needles = sharp objects = possibility of many small holes in my fingers in the near future. But if I can wield a knife without cutting off a finger (yet), I should be able to manage. Here's hoping.
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Friday, December 6, 2013
Holidailies Day 6: Link it Up!
Today is a little crazy. I'm driving down to the Bay Area (and back) to see a Christmas concert my family is singing in, and I had a job interview this morning (and got a second interview for Monday! SUPER YAY!) plus errands to run. So unfortunately I don't have time to post a whole thought. But never fear! I have some links and stuff that I love to share, and they shall suffice for such a time crunch as this. Here we go!
www.nanowrimo.org - NaNoWriMo Website, for all those who are interested in check out the program and learning more about it. They have things going on throughout the year, so check it out!
Pentatonix "Little Drummer Boy" Cover - Pentatonix is my favorite ever. Their Christmas album is on the short list of Christmas music I will listen to, and I listen to it year round because it's just that good. This is from their new Deluxe version of PTXMas.
Pentatonix "Carol of the Bells" Cover - My favorite of the original PTXMas album. I live in awe of their vocal chops.
Lindsey Stirling "O Come, Emmanuel" - This is also one of my favorite artists, and one of my favorite Christmas songs. This is the last Christmas, I promise, but the arrangement is gorgeous and the message along with it is brilliant.
Sperm Whale vs. Bowl of Petunias? - A clip from the "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" movie, based on the amazing book by Douglas Adams. This is my favorite scene from the book, and they do a decent job of translating it to the screen.
Lindsey Stirling and Peter Hollens, Skyrim Theme - This is triply epic, because Lindsey Stirling + Peter Hollens + SKYRIM is enough to make any music/gamer geek girls heart explode with happiness.
Okay, that's enough videos.
Sarah Bessey - This is the link to Sarah Bessey's site. I don't know what to say about her other than that she's amazing, and I love most of what she has to say about God, the Kingdom, and women in the Church.
Rachel Held Evans - And again, Rachel Held Evans is one of those people who has really given me a lot to think about these last months as I work out my life. I definitely don't agree with everything she says or believes, but I love her still.
Noah Daniel Wood - Blue Notes - This is a bandcamp link that my aunt sent me recently. Apparently I'm somehow distantly related to him. But aside from that, I have been really digging this album.
I think that's enough to keep you busy for a time! I shall (hopefully) be back to posting for real tomorrow! Allons-y!
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Holidailies Day 5: Truth, Love and Imagination.
I've always considered myself a fairly honest person. I mean, I had my share of subterfuge as a kid, mostly hiding books that I wasn't supposed to be reading while supposedly doing homework, or hiding candy/soda in the many little corners of my room (if my parents are reading this... sorry). But overall, I was an honest kid, largely due to what I call me "Good Little Christian Girl" complex which went as far as major issues of morality, not so far as to convince me that my only purpose in life was to breed more good little Christian kids (that's a whole other story). In fact, I was often honest to a fault about some things. Tact was not my strong point for many years.
In college, my dedication to truth became more refined. The way that writing was taught to me there, truth had to be at the center of everything. Especially as a creative writer, where everything you write comes from that deep seated place within you, and if there are a bunch of lies hanging about in your life, than your writing is going to suffer. And I've found that to be true, for me. I found out that I never was really as honest as I thought I was, because I lied to myself all the time. One of my professors introduced me to a practice of looking at issues in your life and simply saying, "It is what it is. It is not something else." Talk about a simple statement that will mess with your life constantly. It's not fun, to be sure, but it's worth it.
What does all this have to do with love? This, in my mind is where Jesus jumps in, because there really is no way to separate my understanding of love from my relationship with Christ. It's way too wrapped up, not just in academic knowledge, but my personal history. Having dealt with depression for my whole life, unknowingly for many years, I can say that had I not been introduced to the love of God, I wouldn't still be here. It's why I'm so passionate about love being the only answer. Because I was the epitome of a Sunday School brat/Good Little Christian Girl and all that religion without relationship got me was deep into shame and feeling so unloved that I couldn't find a way out. My escape from that life of despair was a close call, and even after I moved forward enough to get through life without wanting to die, I still fought the lies daily and the only thing I've ever been able to find that will shut them up is the truth of being loved by God. Even this week, when I was diligently looking for jobs, I broke down in the middle of it all because being out of work for 2 months, after searching for a job for 3 months is the top of the list of things that can demoralize you in two seconds flat. I had to take a moment, speak the reminders I have taped up all over my desk over myself, and actively search out the knowledge of God's love before I could muster up the strength to go back to it. You see why these two things are wrapped up in my head.
There's another aspect to it as well. Love is the key to truth being received well. Well, really love is the key to anything being done well. Religion is only harmful when it gets separated from love (1 Corinthians 13 anyone? I find it interesting that this chapter is sandwiched in between the two chapters on the gifts of the Spirit, but that is again, a whole other story). Anything that you do apart from love automatically has a much higher chance of not being taken well. Especially being honest, because the term "brutally honest" exists for a reason. I have to remind myself of this all the time, part of my aforementioned battle against an inherent lack of tact. Saying things in a loving way doesn't mean you have to weaken your statements. It's the difference between saying, "You really suck at this" vs. "I want to help you improve in this area of your life." One is condemnation (there's none of that in Christ Jesus BTW. Romans 8:1, my favorite verse ever). The other is an acknowledgement of the issue, but with it an offer of standing with the person and helping them face it.
This is what Christ does all the time. He starts by assuring you that He loves you no matter what, and that He chose you as His Beloved before you chose Him as yours. Then He says something along the lines of, "I'm pretty sure you already know what areas you need to work on, and yes I see them, but I'm still going to love you while you work them out, and I'm also going to lend my strength to you as your fight your battles, and tend your wounds, old and new." If you want a slightly more eloquent and detailed version of that, I highly recommend looking up the book "Culture of Honor" by Danny Silk. One of the few non-fiction books that has ever grabbed me and engaged me just as easily as a novel. So good.
Now for the imagination part. What does it have to do with truth and love? Well, in my world, pretty much everything because imagination as a writer is my life-blood. If it's tainted with a bunch of lies, my mind creates some pretty freaky stuff. That's why I found that if I want to be writing anything worth reading, I better have some truth backed up by love ready to corral my mind when it wanders down dark paths. A prime example of this was last year for NaNoWriMo, when I was in a not-so-great place mentally and emotionally and literally everything about the novel that I wrote (if you could even call it that) was utter tripe. It still makes me shudder to think how bad it was. And I knew it. As soon as I hit 50K I put it aside and swore never to read through it ever. Though if I ever get up enough courage I may attempt to just to see if there were any pearls that snuck in amongst the swine. By contrast, the novel that I wrote last month has the potential to be one of the best things I've ever written, once I finish the thing and polish it up. The difference is where my life and my current mental state are. After a few months of going to Nikao School of Leadership and being more or less assigned the task of figuring my crap out piece by piece, I'm already in a much better place that I was 6 months ago and certainly much better than a year ago. That's taken imagination, because again, it's the way that I deal with things. My life works much better when I can imagine Jesus sitting in front of me and saying that He loves me, helping me figure things out.
And everything He says, I can find reference to in the Bible. In that way, my rigorous religious training worked for me, because I have this inherent knowledge of the New Testament in particular, to be able to find answers for most of the Big Issues. I still read through it, because there are always new aspects, new perspectives to see verses through, new information about the contexts and all that wonderfully Bible geeky stuff that I was taught at Jessup. But at the core is all those verses I memorized in Sunday School, or at AWANA, or at camp every summer, or at Jessup for classes. And those provide the basis for me to make sure my imagination isn't being hijacked by lies that I've told myself.
I've no idea if that will make sense to anyone but me, and it's definitely something that I'm still learning as I practice it. It just came to mind this week, because a professor from Jessup was at Nikao on Tuesday teaching about it. And though I'd heard it all before while I was at school, it was still a powerful reminder about how I got to where I am and how I can keep moving forward. Allons-y!
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Holidailies Day 4: Christmastime is Near...
Well, it could be here already. I suppose that depends on who you talk to. I have some friends who start counting down to Christmas in July, and some who studiously ignore all mentions until Dec. 24th (sometimes not even that early). I just noticed that Christmas seems to me to be tied up with, "well, winter is here." Which is why I thought about it today, after going outside to take out the trash and get the mail and coming back in after 5 minutes shivering. Granted, I tend to be a wimp about the cold, especially after living in the Rocklin area for a summer and getting used to 90 degree days for about 6 months solid... even 70 degrees when fall took over seemed chilly to me. Anything under 50 (which is what it was when I last checked) is like jumping into ice water when I go outside.
But there are other indicators too. For instance, I'm bell ringing for the Salvation Army at the mall tomorrow, which should prove to be an interesting experience. Fun, even. Hopefully not too cold. Plus, there was the Christmas decorating madness at church on Sunday. And my sudden inexplicable desire to listen to the Christmas music that I like, which is a very short list.
The problem is, Christmas has never been my favorite holiday. I mean, it's fun and presents are pretty brilliant. And when I was a kid it meant going to grandparents houses, where there was often snow, cool toys, and lots of cookies (still love the cookies).
But then there's the stress of performing and trying to organize all the different schedules into a few days when you can actually be together without having to run off a few hours later. And the music. That's been my main issue with Christmas. Music. Why? Partially because I was in choirs, and a professional caroling group, for all of high school and college. For choir, you start singing Christmas music in September. By the time December rolls around and you're suddenly inundated with it EVERYWHERE, you're utterly sick of most Christmas music. Plus, most radio stations already have issue with varied playlists that get so much worse when Christmas rolls around. It's like the same 15 songs, various different versions of them, and if it's Christian radio, adding another 5 EVEN CHEESIER ones that are Christmas themed. Seriously people. There is so much good Christmas music out there. I have certain albums that I stick to, and the quality of the music is good enough that I actually have no qualms listening to it year round. That's my criteria: If I don't want to listen to it in July, why would I want to listen to it 100 times in December?
This particular issue has gotten a little better the last couple of years, being barely involved with performance groups (and actually not at all this year, which is really especially weird for me). But still. I stay far away from most radio stations in the month of December.
But I think the bigger thing is I've just never been a big all-out celebrator. For anything, really. I mean, usually it's either me (when I was living at home) or my youngest brother who bugs my parents until we go get a tree and get it decorated. But still, that's about as far as it goes. I don't go in for ugly Christmas sweaters, up until a couple of years ago I was always way too busy with school and performing to even think about doing major stuff until right before the day... It just was never my thing.
Except for Doctor Who. The Doctor Who Christmas Special... now that I'll get excited about! Even this year, when it means losing Matt Smith. *Excuse me while I go into a corner and cry...*
There was theoretically a point to all this. Maybe just that it's cold outside (I really can't stay...) and it got me thinking about Christmas. I haven't really decked any of my own halls yet. That waits until I have money to buy decorations. Maybe that will make it seem more real to me. Especially if I get cool geeky ornaments, because really, who doesn't need a Bazinga ornament for whatever tree they happen to get? And then if people get that, I can wish them a Happy Saturnalia and they can look at me all strange until they make the connection to Big Bang Theory. It'll be good times.
But until then, I maintain my slightly apathetic viewpoint. As Relient K says, "And the half of me's all about apathy, and the other half just doesn't care." (Coincidentally, their Christmas albums are two of the ones on the list of acceptable music to listen to during the season.)
But there are other indicators too. For instance, I'm bell ringing for the Salvation Army at the mall tomorrow, which should prove to be an interesting experience. Fun, even. Hopefully not too cold. Plus, there was the Christmas decorating madness at church on Sunday. And my sudden inexplicable desire to listen to the Christmas music that I like, which is a very short list.
The problem is, Christmas has never been my favorite holiday. I mean, it's fun and presents are pretty brilliant. And when I was a kid it meant going to grandparents houses, where there was often snow, cool toys, and lots of cookies (still love the cookies).
But then there's the stress of performing and trying to organize all the different schedules into a few days when you can actually be together without having to run off a few hours later. And the music. That's been my main issue with Christmas. Music. Why? Partially because I was in choirs, and a professional caroling group, for all of high school and college. For choir, you start singing Christmas music in September. By the time December rolls around and you're suddenly inundated with it EVERYWHERE, you're utterly sick of most Christmas music. Plus, most radio stations already have issue with varied playlists that get so much worse when Christmas rolls around. It's like the same 15 songs, various different versions of them, and if it's Christian radio, adding another 5 EVEN CHEESIER ones that are Christmas themed. Seriously people. There is so much good Christmas music out there. I have certain albums that I stick to, and the quality of the music is good enough that I actually have no qualms listening to it year round. That's my criteria: If I don't want to listen to it in July, why would I want to listen to it 100 times in December?
This particular issue has gotten a little better the last couple of years, being barely involved with performance groups (and actually not at all this year, which is really especially weird for me). But still. I stay far away from most radio stations in the month of December.
But I think the bigger thing is I've just never been a big all-out celebrator. For anything, really. I mean, usually it's either me (when I was living at home) or my youngest brother who bugs my parents until we go get a tree and get it decorated. But still, that's about as far as it goes. I don't go in for ugly Christmas sweaters, up until a couple of years ago I was always way too busy with school and performing to even think about doing major stuff until right before the day... It just was never my thing.
Except for Doctor Who. The Doctor Who Christmas Special... now that I'll get excited about! Even this year, when it means losing Matt Smith. *Excuse me while I go into a corner and cry...*
There was theoretically a point to all this. Maybe just that it's cold outside (I really can't stay...) and it got me thinking about Christmas. I haven't really decked any of my own halls yet. That waits until I have money to buy decorations. Maybe that will make it seem more real to me. Especially if I get cool geeky ornaments, because really, who doesn't need a Bazinga ornament for whatever tree they happen to get? And then if people get that, I can wish them a Happy Saturnalia and they can look at me all strange until they make the connection to Big Bang Theory. It'll be good times.
But until then, I maintain my slightly apathetic viewpoint. As Relient K says, "And the half of me's all about apathy, and the other half just doesn't care." (Coincidentally, their Christmas albums are two of the ones on the list of acceptable music to listen to during the season.)
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Holidailies Day 3: Motivation?
(Disclaimer: This is a baby thought, it has not worked it's way full through my thought process. So if I'm full of it, feel free to tell me.)
Motivation has always been a huge battle for me. It's one of those issues that seems overwhelmingly overwhelming most of the time. Like, I know it's something to work on, I just have the hardest time sitting down and taking the time to sort out the huge knot of mental processes and figure out where the root of the mess is. But I think a huge part of it is self-control.
Sounds obvious? Let me explain. Christians tend to be big on the issue of self-control. It's a fruit of the Spirit and all that. And let's be honest, most Christians are known by what they don't do rather than what they do. That's a whole other issue, but at the heart of all this "not doing things" there has to be self-control, right? Not necessarily. At least, not in some areas.
A lot of it ends up just being keeping yourself out of certain situations. For instance, if you are never around people who smoke pot, are you ever going to have to exercise self-control to not smoke pot? Yeah, a little bit, by not going and searching it out. But that takes a lot more effort. And if you're like me, and had to sit through two years of an AWANA leader who was a Vietnam vet and waxed eloquent at least every other week on the stupidity of doing any sorts of drugs based on his experiences in 'Nam, it's not going to be one of those things that's high on your list.
That being said, aside from the big things (which everyone has different convictions on), there are those little, quieter things that happen in day to day life and that's where self-control really becomes an issue. At least in my life. The choices that seem to affect a whole day, like whether or not I'm going to pay attention to my alarm and get up at a decent time of the day even if I don't have work or classes to get to, or if I'm going to ignore it all 6 times it goes off and sleep until noon. I bet you can guess which one leads to a more productive day. Or whether or not, when I do get up, I'm going to spend an hour on Facebook before even eating breakfast, or if I'm going to jump straight into my to-do list. That's where motivation and self-control become issues for me.
The problem is, that maintaining a schedule when I'm jobless and only have things going on in the day every once and awhile is freaking hard. It's one of those things that no one ever tells you about being an adult when you're a kid. Like, you have a list (and for me, I need a physical list or else nothing gets done) and if you don't get it done THE THINGS DON'T GET DONE, and that can have some serious consequences. This seems like it should be obvious, but it's one of those things that becomes an epiphany when the dishes suddenly resemble Mount Doom on the kitchen counter and I'm standing there wondering why I didn't just wash them one at a time. That's pretty easily fixed. The bigger consequences are when bills don't make it on the calendar and then subsequently don't get paid. Thankfully, I've gotten better about those big sorts of things. But it's still something that I had to learn that no one seemed to tell me about. Yeah, I had classes and even a business math class where we had to do mock-ups of all of it. But when the consequences aren't real, the lesson doesn't get learned as well. Or so I've learned.
Anyways, back to my main point. What is the root of motivation? That's what I've been trying to find so I can fix whatever issues I have with it. I'm starting to get better. I mean I'm working on it every day. That's part of the reasons I keep challenging myself to things like NaNo, or Holidailies. It takes a whole lot of motivation to keep up with one thing, even just for a month. And it takes self-control to sit down and do it even when you're not motivated to. Which is where discipline comes in. I think it's telling that Hebrews 12 states outright that no discipline seems pleasant at the time but painful. Most people attribute that to discipline like being punished. But I find it's more the daily sitting down and saying, "it doesn't matter how hard life is, I'm still going to do it to the best of my ability and take the time to do the things that I need to do, even if I don't want to." Some people are like, "well, that's just being an adult." It appears that being an adult requires discipline. Go figure.
These are really just a series of thoughts that may or may not be one major thought. I don't really have real answers, because I still have a hard time thinking of myself as an adult so I don't know what the adult answer might be. On a complete unrelated topic, I just read one of the most brilliant commentaries on the state of the Christian music industry ever. You can check it out here. Until tomorrow!
Motivation has always been a huge battle for me. It's one of those issues that seems overwhelmingly overwhelming most of the time. Like, I know it's something to work on, I just have the hardest time sitting down and taking the time to sort out the huge knot of mental processes and figure out where the root of the mess is. But I think a huge part of it is self-control.
Sounds obvious? Let me explain. Christians tend to be big on the issue of self-control. It's a fruit of the Spirit and all that. And let's be honest, most Christians are known by what they don't do rather than what they do. That's a whole other issue, but at the heart of all this "not doing things" there has to be self-control, right? Not necessarily. At least, not in some areas.
A lot of it ends up just being keeping yourself out of certain situations. For instance, if you are never around people who smoke pot, are you ever going to have to exercise self-control to not smoke pot? Yeah, a little bit, by not going and searching it out. But that takes a lot more effort. And if you're like me, and had to sit through two years of an AWANA leader who was a Vietnam vet and waxed eloquent at least every other week on the stupidity of doing any sorts of drugs based on his experiences in 'Nam, it's not going to be one of those things that's high on your list.
That being said, aside from the big things (which everyone has different convictions on), there are those little, quieter things that happen in day to day life and that's where self-control really becomes an issue. At least in my life. The choices that seem to affect a whole day, like whether or not I'm going to pay attention to my alarm and get up at a decent time of the day even if I don't have work or classes to get to, or if I'm going to ignore it all 6 times it goes off and sleep until noon. I bet you can guess which one leads to a more productive day. Or whether or not, when I do get up, I'm going to spend an hour on Facebook before even eating breakfast, or if I'm going to jump straight into my to-do list. That's where motivation and self-control become issues for me.
The problem is, that maintaining a schedule when I'm jobless and only have things going on in the day every once and awhile is freaking hard. It's one of those things that no one ever tells you about being an adult when you're a kid. Like, you have a list (and for me, I need a physical list or else nothing gets done) and if you don't get it done THE THINGS DON'T GET DONE, and that can have some serious consequences. This seems like it should be obvious, but it's one of those things that becomes an epiphany when the dishes suddenly resemble Mount Doom on the kitchen counter and I'm standing there wondering why I didn't just wash them one at a time. That's pretty easily fixed. The bigger consequences are when bills don't make it on the calendar and then subsequently don't get paid. Thankfully, I've gotten better about those big sorts of things. But it's still something that I had to learn that no one seemed to tell me about. Yeah, I had classes and even a business math class where we had to do mock-ups of all of it. But when the consequences aren't real, the lesson doesn't get learned as well. Or so I've learned.
Anyways, back to my main point. What is the root of motivation? That's what I've been trying to find so I can fix whatever issues I have with it. I'm starting to get better. I mean I'm working on it every day. That's part of the reasons I keep challenging myself to things like NaNo, or Holidailies. It takes a whole lot of motivation to keep up with one thing, even just for a month. And it takes self-control to sit down and do it even when you're not motivated to. Which is where discipline comes in. I think it's telling that Hebrews 12 states outright that no discipline seems pleasant at the time but painful. Most people attribute that to discipline like being punished. But I find it's more the daily sitting down and saying, "it doesn't matter how hard life is, I'm still going to do it to the best of my ability and take the time to do the things that I need to do, even if I don't want to." Some people are like, "well, that's just being an adult." It appears that being an adult requires discipline. Go figure.
These are really just a series of thoughts that may or may not be one major thought. I don't really have real answers, because I still have a hard time thinking of myself as an adult so I don't know what the adult answer might be. On a complete unrelated topic, I just read one of the most brilliant commentaries on the state of the Christian music industry ever. You can check it out here. Until tomorrow!
Monday, December 2, 2013
Holidailies Day 2: NaNo Recap!
Today I decided to give a more detailed recap of NaNoWriMo, mostly due to the fact that all month I had people asking me what I was writing about and I never really had the time to formulate more than a sound-bite response to most of them. Which was sad to me, because there were some very specific reasons that I chose to write what I did and approach it the way I did. This is my chance to rectify that.
My book was about sex. (It's okay if you raise your eyebrows. It's a common reaction). More specifically, it is about the way that people from different backgrounds approach it, deal with it, and how those reactions may or may not be the healthiest thing in the world. And dealing with that in a fictional setting based on real-life situations where these things are necessary to deal with. My two main characters (the perspectives the book is written from, currently) are both Christians, but one is of the uber-conservative "sex is quite possibly the worst thing in the world" mindset and one is a little bit more on the free, grace-filled side of the spectrum, but still trying to figure out how that applies to this particular area of life. The book mainly consists of putting characters in situations where their views are challenged and how they deal with it.
Why is this an issue that I wanted to talk about, you may ask? Well, mainly because of my own experiences with the level of education about this, particularly in the Church or Christian settings. I could rant about it for days, so I chose to write a book about it instead.
To understand my full reasoning for this, you have to understand my background. If you've read this blog before, you know that I was raised in a pretty conservative setting all around. My life more or less revolved around whatever church my parents were involved in, and aside from that, I was in Christian homeschool groups, Christian sports groups and educated with largely Christian curriculum (which believe me, isn't written with the goal of providing mostly unbiased information). Pretty much the only reason that I came out of the whole thing (mostly) well adjusted is because I was a voracious reader, and my main method of picking reading material was going to the library and grabbing the maximum number of books that was allowed to be checked out at one time (12 for years. The level of my joy when that was raised was overwhelming). Didn't matter what they were, what genre, just so long as it looked interesting. Led me into a lot of areas of life that I never would have really gotten into, especially when they accidentally shelved adult books in the children's section. And therein lies the beginning of this whole journey. Because that's when I discovered that hey, not everybody runs away from the issue of sex like it's a plague. I mean, a lot of people do. But some people actually talk about it, especially in young adult age books because it becomes one of those big issues.
So I read those books. I actually went back this month and read a couple of them that really impacted me in high school, because I wanted to recenter myself on the reason I started writing this in the first place. Because, let's be real here, Christians don't often talk about this issue, at least not in my experience. And it's kinda a big thing to systematically NOT talk about, except in specially sanctioned "purity" talks given to teens. I know the arguments that it's a personal thing, that it's an issue for parents to talk about, that the Church shouldn't have to be in charge of talking about it, that it's somewhat inappropriate to talk about in a group setting, people should be able to go and ask their friends or trusted mentors about it. All of these things are true, at least at some level. But what if it's not a perfect world, and people of any age don't have anywhere to turn? If kids get mixed or unhealthy views of sex from parents, or no input at all? If the only positive influence in their life is their church? If new adults (18-24, more or less) have their friends, but that information is way off? If the old Victorian cultural standards of "appropriate" aren't at all healthy, no matter how much we try to pretend they are? What if the Church is called to impact all areas of culture, including this one?
Let's be clear here: There is no lack of information on this subject. For one, the internet exists. And on the internet, if it can be related to sex, it probably will be in some way. Actually, for those of you who are looking for some very open and blunt information on the subject, and are not offended easily, I would suggest Laci Green on YouTube. Full Disclaimer, there is lots of swearing, and more than a few viewpoints that I really don't agree with. But she has no fear about talking about any and every issue, and her base message of freedom of information so you can choose what sort of life you want to lead. She also has a lot of stuff about body image that is pretty awesome.
However, Laci Green really fits my point. If there is someone like me, who is getting nothing from her main sources of influence other than sex is bad until you're married, and you really shouldn't even be thinking about it ever until then and if you see anything about it in the media, run fast and run far, yet you are still curious (because really, who isn't) and your friends aren't any better educated than you, where do you go? I went to books, and later, to the internet (granted, still with a pretty active filter). But if you don't have any idea what's going on with your body and you come across someone like Laci Green (who I really admire actually) who is not only willing to tell you about all these things, but willing to tell you that you're actually beautiful and you should take care of yourself and a bunch about empowerment, that's going to be a huge draw. I mean none of those last three things were included in my education about that world until I was in college. And in my current mindset, they really should be taught from the cradle, especially in the Church (more about that later). So let's continue this scenario. You're young and looking for information, you come across someone who gives it to you, and also tells you that you're worth something, but also fills you with the aforementioned viewpoints that most Christians are so freaking scared of, like that it really doesn't matter all that much how many partners you have, and that the whole convention of waiting until marriage is outdated and harmful. Which is something you know you shouldn't believe, but at the same time, everything else they're saying sounds right on. This is going to become an issue.
So this is my suggestion. Maybe, just maybe, the Church should be teaching about this topic, and not even just in youth groups. I have seen the issues of body image and knowing how to take care of yourself span all ages, in both men and women, but particularly women. I think the idea that Christians aren't allowed to love themselves is a large hot steaming pile of refuse. Why? Because God loves us. Simple as that. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that God doesn't think His creations are not the most beautiful things in the world, and nothing can separate us from that. The passages that everyone quotes when talking about how we should think of ourselves as refuse are always pulled out of context. (Main example, Romans 7 when Paul moans about what a wretched man he is is DIRECTLY followed by him giving praise to God for loving him despite his considerable faults. And then he states that there is no condemnation in 8:1).
Anyways. I also think that teaching abstinence only is... flawed. Because it stops at "You just shouldn't." Not anything about how to develop self-control to achieve that goal, nothing about what to do if you find yourself in those situations despite your best efforts, and a whole lot of guilt and shame if you mess up even once. Because the world isn't perfect, and the most dedicated abstinence only disciple can still make mistakes. You hear stories about it all the time. So education is necessary, because if you don't know what's going on with your body it's a lot easier to stumble into a situation you shouldn't. And even if you're educated and you get into that situation, knowing how to get out would be very helpful.
I realize that this is a lot, and it's a viewpoint that isn't terribly popular. But in a way, that's why I'm talking about it so openly. As the 11th Doctor said once, "Something here doesn't make sense. Let's go poke it with a stick." My goal is to be the best version of myself that I can be, because that is how Jesus sees me. What I realized is that my lack of information on how to deal with this issue in a healthy way was a huge barrier to that version of myself. And in my search for that information, I realized that I'm definitely not the only one who has these problems and because I'm me and I want to change the world, it has become one of those issues that I can't ignore, for myself, or for others who have been raised in similar situations to me. This definitely isn't a complete overview of the issue (again, why I wanted to write the book so I could deal with this and how it affects so many different areas of life). It's merely a start, a place where I can say this is what I see the issue to be, and some thoughts about what the flaws are. I'm still working on the solutions, but I think that will always be the case.
My book was about sex. (It's okay if you raise your eyebrows. It's a common reaction). More specifically, it is about the way that people from different backgrounds approach it, deal with it, and how those reactions may or may not be the healthiest thing in the world. And dealing with that in a fictional setting based on real-life situations where these things are necessary to deal with. My two main characters (the perspectives the book is written from, currently) are both Christians, but one is of the uber-conservative "sex is quite possibly the worst thing in the world" mindset and one is a little bit more on the free, grace-filled side of the spectrum, but still trying to figure out how that applies to this particular area of life. The book mainly consists of putting characters in situations where their views are challenged and how they deal with it.
Why is this an issue that I wanted to talk about, you may ask? Well, mainly because of my own experiences with the level of education about this, particularly in the Church or Christian settings. I could rant about it for days, so I chose to write a book about it instead.
To understand my full reasoning for this, you have to understand my background. If you've read this blog before, you know that I was raised in a pretty conservative setting all around. My life more or less revolved around whatever church my parents were involved in, and aside from that, I was in Christian homeschool groups, Christian sports groups and educated with largely Christian curriculum (which believe me, isn't written with the goal of providing mostly unbiased information). Pretty much the only reason that I came out of the whole thing (mostly) well adjusted is because I was a voracious reader, and my main method of picking reading material was going to the library and grabbing the maximum number of books that was allowed to be checked out at one time (12 for years. The level of my joy when that was raised was overwhelming). Didn't matter what they were, what genre, just so long as it looked interesting. Led me into a lot of areas of life that I never would have really gotten into, especially when they accidentally shelved adult books in the children's section. And therein lies the beginning of this whole journey. Because that's when I discovered that hey, not everybody runs away from the issue of sex like it's a plague. I mean, a lot of people do. But some people actually talk about it, especially in young adult age books because it becomes one of those big issues.
So I read those books. I actually went back this month and read a couple of them that really impacted me in high school, because I wanted to recenter myself on the reason I started writing this in the first place. Because, let's be real here, Christians don't often talk about this issue, at least not in my experience. And it's kinda a big thing to systematically NOT talk about, except in specially sanctioned "purity" talks given to teens. I know the arguments that it's a personal thing, that it's an issue for parents to talk about, that the Church shouldn't have to be in charge of talking about it, that it's somewhat inappropriate to talk about in a group setting, people should be able to go and ask their friends or trusted mentors about it. All of these things are true, at least at some level. But what if it's not a perfect world, and people of any age don't have anywhere to turn? If kids get mixed or unhealthy views of sex from parents, or no input at all? If the only positive influence in their life is their church? If new adults (18-24, more or less) have their friends, but that information is way off? If the old Victorian cultural standards of "appropriate" aren't at all healthy, no matter how much we try to pretend they are? What if the Church is called to impact all areas of culture, including this one?
Let's be clear here: There is no lack of information on this subject. For one, the internet exists. And on the internet, if it can be related to sex, it probably will be in some way. Actually, for those of you who are looking for some very open and blunt information on the subject, and are not offended easily, I would suggest Laci Green on YouTube. Full Disclaimer, there is lots of swearing, and more than a few viewpoints that I really don't agree with. But she has no fear about talking about any and every issue, and her base message of freedom of information so you can choose what sort of life you want to lead. She also has a lot of stuff about body image that is pretty awesome.
However, Laci Green really fits my point. If there is someone like me, who is getting nothing from her main sources of influence other than sex is bad until you're married, and you really shouldn't even be thinking about it ever until then and if you see anything about it in the media, run fast and run far, yet you are still curious (because really, who isn't) and your friends aren't any better educated than you, where do you go? I went to books, and later, to the internet (granted, still with a pretty active filter). But if you don't have any idea what's going on with your body and you come across someone like Laci Green (who I really admire actually) who is not only willing to tell you about all these things, but willing to tell you that you're actually beautiful and you should take care of yourself and a bunch about empowerment, that's going to be a huge draw. I mean none of those last three things were included in my education about that world until I was in college. And in my current mindset, they really should be taught from the cradle, especially in the Church (more about that later). So let's continue this scenario. You're young and looking for information, you come across someone who gives it to you, and also tells you that you're worth something, but also fills you with the aforementioned viewpoints that most Christians are so freaking scared of, like that it really doesn't matter all that much how many partners you have, and that the whole convention of waiting until marriage is outdated and harmful. Which is something you know you shouldn't believe, but at the same time, everything else they're saying sounds right on. This is going to become an issue.
So this is my suggestion. Maybe, just maybe, the Church should be teaching about this topic, and not even just in youth groups. I have seen the issues of body image and knowing how to take care of yourself span all ages, in both men and women, but particularly women. I think the idea that Christians aren't allowed to love themselves is a large hot steaming pile of refuse. Why? Because God loves us. Simple as that. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that God doesn't think His creations are not the most beautiful things in the world, and nothing can separate us from that. The passages that everyone quotes when talking about how we should think of ourselves as refuse are always pulled out of context. (Main example, Romans 7 when Paul moans about what a wretched man he is is DIRECTLY followed by him giving praise to God for loving him despite his considerable faults. And then he states that there is no condemnation in 8:1).
Anyways. I also think that teaching abstinence only is... flawed. Because it stops at "You just shouldn't." Not anything about how to develop self-control to achieve that goal, nothing about what to do if you find yourself in those situations despite your best efforts, and a whole lot of guilt and shame if you mess up even once. Because the world isn't perfect, and the most dedicated abstinence only disciple can still make mistakes. You hear stories about it all the time. So education is necessary, because if you don't know what's going on with your body it's a lot easier to stumble into a situation you shouldn't. And even if you're educated and you get into that situation, knowing how to get out would be very helpful.
I realize that this is a lot, and it's a viewpoint that isn't terribly popular. But in a way, that's why I'm talking about it so openly. As the 11th Doctor said once, "Something here doesn't make sense. Let's go poke it with a stick." My goal is to be the best version of myself that I can be, because that is how Jesus sees me. What I realized is that my lack of information on how to deal with this issue in a healthy way was a huge barrier to that version of myself. And in my search for that information, I realized that I'm definitely not the only one who has these problems and because I'm me and I want to change the world, it has become one of those issues that I can't ignore, for myself, or for others who have been raised in similar situations to me. This definitely isn't a complete overview of the issue (again, why I wanted to write the book so I could deal with this and how it affects so many different areas of life). It's merely a start, a place where I can say this is what I see the issue to be, and some thoughts about what the flaws are. I'm still working on the solutions, but I think that will always be the case.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Holidailies Day 1: What Is This Madness?
If you've been following me on Facebook at all for the last month, you know something: For the entire month of November I've been participating in NaNoWriMo, writing a novel that clocked in at 63,111 words by last night, well over the 50,000 goal. It has been a whirlwind of writing and madness, and I've loved (almost) every minute of it.
Despite that, I was very much looking forward to December 1st when I could take a step back, breathe for the first time in a month, and start trying to remember what I do with my life when I'm not spending every spare minute trying to pound out a novel. So when I saw this post on my region's forum on the NaNo site about a blogging challenge for the month of December, I should have run fast and far because what sort of insane person would take on THAT after the insanity of November? Obviously, this sort of insane person!
The challenge is Holidailies. The idea is to blog about anything, whatever you want to, just so long as you're blogging about something once a day. So that's what I'm going to do. If you wanted to apply logic to the situation, you could say that it would be a bad idea to just completely up and stop writing after NaNo. Kinda like how you're not supposed to just stop running and sit down for a few hours. You have to walk around, make sure your legs aren't going to seize up on you before you can really rest. So that's what this is, more or less. My walking period after the marathon of NaNo. That makes sense, right?
Besides, I have been wanting to do more with this blog. A lot of people have been asking me what my novel is about so I'll probably do a full NaNo recap with some explanation of the book's topic and why I chose it. And then I have a few other topics that popped up and I've been mulling over in the few minutes that I wasn't writing last month. I've even been all organized and started keeping a list. It's official now, because there's a list.
I can't really think of anything else to write tonight. Lord willing, I'll start getting my brain back piece by piece after a few nights of good sleep and relaxation. See you tomorrow!
Despite that, I was very much looking forward to December 1st when I could take a step back, breathe for the first time in a month, and start trying to remember what I do with my life when I'm not spending every spare minute trying to pound out a novel. So when I saw this post on my region's forum on the NaNo site about a blogging challenge for the month of December, I should have run fast and far because what sort of insane person would take on THAT after the insanity of November? Obviously, this sort of insane person!
The challenge is Holidailies. The idea is to blog about anything, whatever you want to, just so long as you're blogging about something once a day. So that's what I'm going to do. If you wanted to apply logic to the situation, you could say that it would be a bad idea to just completely up and stop writing after NaNo. Kinda like how you're not supposed to just stop running and sit down for a few hours. You have to walk around, make sure your legs aren't going to seize up on you before you can really rest. So that's what this is, more or less. My walking period after the marathon of NaNo. That makes sense, right?
Besides, I have been wanting to do more with this blog. A lot of people have been asking me what my novel is about so I'll probably do a full NaNo recap with some explanation of the book's topic and why I chose it. And then I have a few other topics that popped up and I've been mulling over in the few minutes that I wasn't writing last month. I've even been all organized and started keeping a list. It's official now, because there's a list.
I can't really think of anything else to write tonight. Lord willing, I'll start getting my brain back piece by piece after a few nights of good sleep and relaxation. See you tomorrow!
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