This is when I realize how much I need to get a job

When I start looking for any way to have contact with the outside world, even starting a blog. A blog is something I have avoided since Xanga died out years ago, when I realized I needed to start making sure I knew what I thought before unleashing it on the world. Plus, there is always the stereotypical blog with no purpose other than to make the author feel validated, when they're really mostly getting ignored. But hey, I feel like after four years of being forced to articulate my thoughts for a grade, I'm ready! I can be ignored, and I'm okay with that. Mostly, I'm just bored of being stuck at home with no job, only one friend really close to me, and no money to travel and see my other friends. So in their place, there is a blog. Not that a blog could ever remotely replace my friends. I'm going to stop digging that hole now.

Anyways, I realized when school started again and I wasn't in it that I had never actually not been a student. This freaked me out more than a little. And after I got over the shock, I discovered something even more shocking. I miss it! After swearing up and down for most of the last two years that I was so done with school for at least 5 years once I got my Bachelor's. Maybe, maybe if I hadn't had a complete crisis of life over the summer and had started this time with a plan, I wouldn't miss it so much. But right now, I miss having that intellectual conversation surrounding me constantly. There's a sort of energy, a feeling of being part of a bigger unit, a shared sense of purpose that I never noticed until it wasn't there. Now my lack of motivation isn't as big of a mystery to me. I know what I'm missing. The hard part is finding a way to have motivation without that.

So there it is. The main reason I need to get a job (because leaving my thoughts to bounce around with no direction for too long will end badly), but also why I started this blog. To give myself a place to write, to work through my thoughts enough that I can actually remember why I wanted to do this thing called Life at one point. Maybe that's why I don't care if it gets ignored. Because it's as much for me as anyone. Isn't that how writing should be?

Until the next time my thoughts overflow...