Well, first off, I feel sorta bad because I finally missed a day. And it was totally a procrastination + last minute plans happening thing, so I can't even complain. I went to my friend's place after church and ate awesome food, had awesome conversation at a level that I don't get very often outside of an academic setting and it was wonderful. Plus we read some poetry, and I revisited that time my senior year in college when I wrote that one thing that I was told to never change, just submit to get published. Which was pretty much the highlight of all four years at school. It was an awesome night, even if I got home so late I that got minimal amounts of sleep before church this morning.
Anyways, between yesterday hanging out with friends from Jessup and today hanging out with friends from church, I feel like I came back to life a little bit after falling apart last week and isolating as I'm wont to do. I was thinking that a huge part of my struggle is losing sight of what it really is that motivates me. What my heart is, and really has always been, those convictions that push me forward. I can talk about them all day long, but if I'm still not connected to them, I lose myself. And it's a really unhappy place to be.
So this is more of an exercise as I feel out what my heart is for certain situations, a way to get me back on track. I felt like I should blog about it, because that way it's all in one place and I can have a place to refer people when they ask. Here goes:
My heart is to love, first and foremost. And as a part of that, to not control. In my experience people trying to control others around them never ends well. I'm trying to break myself of that tendency as a result.
My heart is to help people discover who they are. And help them be the best they can be.
My heart is to empower people, by not being afraid to tell them the hard truths that you need to hear to have a full picture of the world. And by encouraging them to think for themselves, to discover what it is they need to know to be fully present in the world.
My heart is to bring light to darkness. It's why I love words so much. There's so much power in them, to bring light to dark corners of our life. It's a heady sword to wield, and it can be used for so much ill in the wrong hands. But...
My heart is to develop my craft so that I become the right hands.
My heart is to be courageous about what I write and say.
My heart is to teach, not just English or writing, but anything I can wrap my mind around. Even if I just learned it the day before and I'm learning more as I go along.
My heart is to be able to bless people everyday, financially or otherwise.
My heart is to be the best version of myself, the version that I know Jesus sees when He looks at me.
I think that's all for now. There are other things, but I'm drawing blanks and I still have many chores that have been pushed aside for the sake of having a social life. Tomorrow sets off a week of holiday insanity and trying to pick up everything that got dropped last week. Lord willing, I'll be able to convince my brain to shut itself down BEFORE midnight to prepare for such things. Here's hoping.
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