Holidailies Day 2: NaNo Recap!

Today I decided to give a more detailed recap of NaNoWriMo, mostly due to the fact that all month I had people asking me what I was writing about and I never really had the time to formulate more than a sound-bite response to most of them. Which was sad to me, because there were some very specific reasons that I chose to write what I did and approach it the way I did. This is my chance to rectify that.

My book was about sex. (It's okay if you raise your eyebrows. It's a common reaction). More specifically, it is about the way that people from different backgrounds approach it, deal with it, and how those reactions may or may not be the healthiest thing in the world. And dealing with that in a fictional setting based on real-life situations where these things are necessary to deal with. My two main characters (the perspectives the book is written from, currently) are both Christians, but one is of the uber-conservative "sex is quite possibly the worst thing in the world" mindset and one is a little bit more on the free, grace-filled side of the spectrum, but still trying to figure out how that applies to this particular area of life. The book mainly consists of putting characters in situations where their views are challenged and how they deal with it.

Why is this an issue that I wanted to talk about, you may ask? Well, mainly because of my own experiences with the level of education about this, particularly in the Church or Christian settings. I could rant about it for days, so I chose to write a book about it instead.

To understand my full reasoning for this, you have to understand my background. If you've read this blog before, you know that I was raised in a pretty conservative setting all around. My life more or less revolved around whatever church my parents were involved in, and aside from that, I was in Christian homeschool groups, Christian sports groups and educated with largely Christian curriculum (which believe me, isn't written with the goal of providing mostly unbiased information). Pretty much the only reason that I came out of the whole thing (mostly) well adjusted is because I was a voracious reader, and my main method of picking reading material was going to the library and grabbing the maximum number of books that was allowed to be checked out at one time (12 for years. The level of my joy when that was raised was overwhelming). Didn't matter what they were, what genre, just so long as it looked interesting. Led me into a lot of areas of life that I never would have really gotten into, especially when they accidentally shelved adult books in the children's section. And therein lies the beginning of this whole journey. Because that's when I discovered that hey, not everybody runs away from the issue of sex like it's a plague. I mean, a lot of people do. But some people actually talk about it, especially in young adult age books because it becomes one of those big issues.

So I read those books. I actually went back this month and read a couple of them that really impacted me in high school, because I wanted to recenter myself on the reason I started writing this in the first place. Because, let's be real here, Christians don't often talk about this issue, at least not in my experience. And it's kinda a big thing to systematically NOT talk about, except in specially sanctioned "purity" talks given to teens. I know the arguments that it's a personal thing, that it's an issue for parents to talk about, that the Church shouldn't have to be in charge of talking about it, that it's somewhat inappropriate to talk about in a group setting, people should be able to go and ask their friends or trusted mentors about it. All of these things are true, at least at some level. But what if it's not a perfect world, and people of any age don't have anywhere to turn? If kids get mixed or unhealthy views of sex from parents, or no input at all? If the only positive influence in their life is their church? If new adults (18-24, more or less) have their friends, but that information is way off? If the old Victorian cultural standards of "appropriate" aren't at all healthy, no matter how much we try to pretend they are? What if the Church is called to impact all areas of culture, including this one?

Let's be clear here: There is no lack of information on this subject. For one, the internet exists. And on the internet, if it can be related to sex, it probably will be in some way. Actually, for those of you who are looking for some very open and blunt information on the subject, and are not offended easily, I would suggest Laci Green on YouTube. Full Disclaimer, there is lots of swearing, and more than a few viewpoints that I really don't agree with. But she has no fear about talking about any and every issue, and her base message of freedom of information so you can choose what sort of life you want to lead. She also has a lot of stuff about body image that is pretty awesome.

However, Laci Green really fits my point. If there is someone like me, who is getting nothing from her main sources of influence other than sex is bad until you're married, and you really shouldn't even be thinking about it ever until then and if you see anything about it in the media, run fast and run far, yet you are still curious (because really, who isn't) and your friends aren't any better educated than you, where do you go? I went to books, and later, to the internet (granted, still with a pretty active filter). But if you don't have any idea what's going on with your body and you come across someone like Laci Green (who I really admire actually) who is not only willing to tell you about all these things, but willing to tell you that you're actually beautiful and you should take care of yourself and a bunch about empowerment, that's going to be a huge draw. I mean none of those last three things were included in my education about that world until I was in college. And in my current mindset, they really should be taught from the cradle, especially in the Church (more about that later). So let's continue this scenario. You're young and looking for information, you come across someone who gives it to you, and also tells you that you're worth something, but also fills you with the aforementioned viewpoints that most Christians are so freaking scared of, like that it really doesn't matter all that much how many partners you have, and that the whole convention of waiting until marriage is outdated and harmful. Which is something you know you shouldn't believe, but at the same time, everything else they're saying sounds right on. This is going to become an issue.

So this is my suggestion. Maybe, just maybe, the Church should be teaching about this topic, and not even just in youth groups. I have seen the issues of body image and knowing how to take care of yourself span all ages, in both men and women, but particularly women. I think the idea that Christians aren't allowed to love themselves is a large hot steaming pile of refuse. Why? Because God loves us. Simple as that. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that God doesn't think His creations are not the most beautiful things in the world, and nothing can separate us from that. The passages that everyone quotes when talking about how we should think of ourselves as refuse are always pulled out of context. (Main example, Romans 7 when Paul moans about what a wretched man he is is DIRECTLY followed by him giving praise to God for loving him despite his considerable faults. And then he states that there is no condemnation in 8:1).

Anyways. I also think that teaching abstinence only is... flawed. Because it stops at "You just shouldn't." Not anything about how to develop self-control to achieve that goal, nothing about what to do if you find yourself in those situations despite your best efforts, and a whole lot of guilt and shame if you mess up even once. Because the world isn't perfect, and the most dedicated abstinence only disciple can still make mistakes. You hear stories about it all the time. So education is necessary, because if you don't know what's going on with your body it's a lot easier to stumble into a situation you shouldn't. And even if you're educated and you get into that situation, knowing how to get out would be very helpful.

I realize that this is a lot, and it's a viewpoint that isn't terribly popular. But in a way, that's why I'm talking about it so openly. As the 11th Doctor said once, "Something here doesn't make sense. Let's go poke it with a stick." My goal is to be the best version of myself that I can be, because that is how Jesus sees me. What I realized is that my lack of information on how to deal with this issue in a healthy way was a huge barrier to that version of myself. And in my search for that information, I realized that I'm definitely not the only one who has these problems and because I'm me and I want to change the world, it has become one of those issues that I can't ignore, for myself, or for others who have been raised in similar situations to me. This definitely isn't a complete overview of the issue (again, why I wanted to write the book so I could deal with this and how it affects so many different areas of life). It's merely a start, a place where I can say this is what I see the issue to be, and some thoughts about what the flaws are. I'm still working on the solutions, but I think that will always be the case.